One of my clients had been frustrated with her drive to work in the morning, which was often punctuated by stop and start traffic. She knew that it was going to take 30 minutes to get to work, and she expected the traffic, but she still felt frustrated with all of the stopping and starting. I asked her to choose one of her "signature strengths" (top strengths) and apply it to the situation in a new way. She chose her strength of “gratitude” because gratitude was the farthest thing from what she felt in traffic. So, each time traffic slowed down, she began taking a deep breath, relaxing her grip on the steering wheel, and then she used the time to think about something she was grateful for in her life.
After a week of doing this, she couldn’t wait to tell me how this simple practice had transformed her day. Instead of spending 30 minutes of her morning fuming, she was filled with positive feelings of thankfulness. She even became grateful for the slow traffic giving her the time for her gratitude practice! She arrived at work in a better mood and with more energy. Even her coworkers noticed that she was more upbeat and calmer when she walked in the door each morning.
As my client discovered, just because something is a strength for us doesn’t mean we apply that strength as much as we could. And sometimes we get in the rut of applying our strengths in the same ways, missing other opportunities where they can help us be more effective.
You can try the same exercise to transform a negative experience by using one of your strengths in a new way. Just follow the steps below.
1. Pick something that you think is a strength for you. You might know this off the top of your head, or you might have taken an assessment. If you haven’t taken a strengths survey, you can either click on the links below, or you can visit this link for a list of strengths to get you thinking about what applies best to you: https://www.viacharacter.org/character-strengths
2. Write down some ways that you already use your chosen strength in your life.
3. Now, identify something that you don’t enjoy or that is frustrating for you - perhaps something that you avoid doing, or that leaves you feeling drained or agitated.
4. Brainstorm some creative ways that you could apply your chosen strength to this issue.
5. Finally, pick an idea and try it. You might even commit to using this strength in new ways each day this week. Notice any changes in your outlook about that task or situation.
If you try this, drop a comment on this post and let me know how it went!
Strengths Assessments to try:
Via Character Strengths Assessment: https://www.viacharacter.org/account/register#nav
(Free, research-based strengths assessment)
Strengthsfinder Assessment: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/strengthsfinder.aspx
($50 cost includes book, assessment, and an array of useful resources)
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